For whatever reason this week, I was looking at the online gravesites of my real father and grandfather. That’s when I noticed a trend that I had a tickling in back of my grey matter for a few years now. They both died at 53.
Guess what guys? I am 53!
So, I’ve had to make a pact with myself to break the trend of the oldest male dying at 53. I have a few months left before I am able to break with tradition. The problem is – and this is what started all these thoughts – between my own health issues and those of my immediate family, it’s rather frightful to think that my time may be limited. But it’s my mom, sister, brother and stepfather’s health issues that made me dig a little deeper on this concern.
After all this hit me a few days ago, I made a flippant remark to a coworker that they need to help keep me alive until September. He asked what was that all about and I explained that the sperm donor and his dad both died in their 53rd year – both from heart attacks. At least Papa died having sex!
Now, for those of you who don’t know, I have had a myriad of health issues over the years. I went through chemo in ’99-‘00 and have become a diabetic – Type II – that has been wildly uncontrolled for a number of years. I was hesitant to go to insulin but now that I have, I cannot tell you why I waited. It’s been a godsend. My doctor had me on a plethora of meds to get my blood sugar under control for a couple of years now. We are slowly weening me from some of the pills now that insulin is to helping control it. I was literally taking two shots and three pills to get my blood sugar to a negligible number.
There were times when I didn’t eat and my blood sugar would hit over 500. No matter what I was doing with my diet, I would see high swings in my blood sugar. I had witnessed friends who had health issues due to diabetes and I didn’t want to succumb to eyesight issues or wound up with an amputation.
The first time that my blood sugar went below 100 recently, I was amazed and my glasses weren’t working for me that day. I didn’t need them! It was crazy, I felt amazing!
So, back to the family. My brother, mom and sister have been having heart issues. I haven’t been having those issues in the past – high cholesterol aside. My blood pressure is usually 120/80 but my pulse is sometimes high.
I worry about them more than I worry about my own health issues. I would gladly give up any time I have left here to make sure they were well taken care of.
There’s too much I want to do… too many trips to take (see above)… too many people to meet and love. I’m going to stick around, if for no other reason than to take care of those I love: Myles, Mike, Tammy and especially Mom.
If you take nothing else from this mental musing, remember to love those around you – even when it’s hard!